Knocking on Death's Door
by TarSauce
Summary: Her statement stops you in your tracks, and you spin around, not daring to believe her, because when do things like this ever happen in real life. Set after 1x11 with spoilers throughout. Shawson pairing. ShayxDawson


**A/N: This is my first Shawson story. I recently started watching Chicago fire, and I fell in love with Leslie Shay, like, literally completely in love, and she and Dawson are just an amazing dynamic. **

**I feel like the writer's did us over a bit with the latest episode, what with all that flirting and talk about moving in, and then Shay just moves back in with Severide (although I do love with brotp) **

**So, this is my opinion on what should have happened. I hope you enjoy.**

**Knocking on Death's Door**

You open your front as quickly as you can, and drop your bags just inside, and then rush back outside to help your injured friend into your apartment, supporting her side as she limps through the door. You can hear her laboured breathing and you can feel the ache in your heart as you recognise the pain she is in, despite how much she is trying to hide it from you, because that's the sort of person she is, trying to make everyone around her feel better, even when she was in so much pain. A sudden wave of guilt passes over you as you hear her breath sharply, and you can feel her wince into your side as you go through the doorway to the living room. The guilt doesn't pass as you realise how unfair it all is. You were both hit by that truck, and yet, you got away with some stupid leg laceration, yet Shay, your beautiful best friend nearly died.

You help her settle herself on the sofa, and you take a second to watch her as she fidgets, trying to get comfy. She can't turn her head, and has to turn her whole body to look around to you when she notices your eyes on her, and she gives you that smile. The smile that you can't help but feel is reserved for only you.

Walking round behind the sofa to the kitchen that doubles onto the living room, you pull the meal you prepared from the fridge and put it in the oven. The silence isn't uncomfortable at all as you clatter away - pulling out plates and knives and forks – yet you can't help but feel the need to break it anyway, so you do.

"I'm glad you decided to stay tonight Shay, as much as I love Severide, you know he can't cook like I can" you joke, and you hear her chuckle.

"That's very true, you are the best cook I know, so how could I pass up this opportunity" Shay tuned her body, yet she still wasn't fully looking at you, so you move into her line of vision.

"I'm glad you didn't" you smile.

**SDSDSDSDSDSDSDSD**

It's close to half an hour later by the time you are both settled on the sofa, plates of food on your laps and a new episode of Rizzoli and Isles on the TV. Every now and then she makes funny comments about the show, which have had you chuckling. She's sat straight, so she's facing the adjacent TV, but you feel the need to keep an eye on her, last time you took your eyes off her, a truck had smashed into the side of the ambulance, and you nearly lost her, and you didn't even want to think about that possibility. Instead, your legs are pulled up under you, and you're turned so that you can look at her if you feel the need.

"This food is amazing Dawson, like, seriously, you should become a chef" Shay encouraged, as she put another fork of asparagus into her mouth, her movements stiff and robotic.

"Nah, I couldn't leave you, look what..." you trail off as you realise you don't want to finish that sentence, and you hope that Shay drops it too.

She doesn't.

"Look what... what"? She tries to get you to finish the sentence, and suddenly, you can't hold it in any more.

"Look what happened to you, you almost died today Leslie, and I never would have forgiven myself if anything had happened to you" you almost shout, and you will yourself not to cry, but you can already feel the tears in your eyes.

She shuffles around so that she is looking at you, and gently takes your hand, both your meals forgotten.

"But I'm OK, it's fine" Shay starts,

"No, you're not fine, you're seriously injured, and I can't do anything to help," you argue, the weight of the sentence settling in around them.

"I don't need any help Gabby, I'm ok, and you're ok," Shay says, as though it's the simplest thing in the world, but the thought has infested your mind, and you couldn't stop now.

"But you do, you nearly died. Don't you get that," you shout, how can she not understand, how can she not understand how important she is.

"Relax Gabby, jeez, I know it's been a hard day, but seriously, you're making a bigger deal out of it than I am" Shay said, laughing that laugh she laughs when she's confused or annoyed.

"You don't get it, you nearly died, you actually nearly died right on front of me, how could I have moved on from that, I don't know what I would do if I lost you, I don't know if I would survive if I lost you, I don't think my heart would be able to take it if it gets broken aga..." you trail off, realising that you probably just said too much, yes, you definitely just said too much, if Shay's stunned expression is anything to go by.

You can't handle this anymore, you're too close to her, so you mutter something about needing another drink, and make a run for the kitchen, which, in retrospect isn't a good decision, as it's only the opposite side of the room - the same room. You pour yourself a glass of wine, silently chastising yourself over the fact you literally just admitted you're in love with your best friend.

To your best friend.

Shit.

Quickly drinking your glass of wine, you lean over the sink, your hands on the edge, breathing hard, your thoughts running away with you.

"Gabriella" she is saying your name, and she sounds a lot closer than she should, you spin around 180 degrees, and she's standing opposite you, leaning against the breakfast bar three feet away from you. How did she even manage to get up, and you once again feel guilty that she's got up, despite the pain it must have caused her.

"Shay," you sigh, not knowing what to say.

"Well, you might want to explain what the hell that was all about" she winces slightly as she raises her voice at you, and you wince.

"It was just, it's been a long day, let's just forget that I said anything" you hope she drops it, and again, she doesn't.

"How can I forget what you just said"? She looks genuinely perplexed at the thought.

You don't have an answer for that, so you just bury your head in your hands, and you can hear her moving, but you don't want to re-enter the situation, not exactly how you planned on coming out to your best friend. Not that you'd consider yourself a lesbian, you'd only ever been with guys, but with Shay, there was something about her, whether it was the fact she was so confident with herself, or the fact she was always there, or that she was just so beautiful. You didn't know, she was just, Shay.

"Gabby, talk to me" She's in front of you now, you can smell her perfume, and then you feel her hands take your wrist and gently pull your hands away from your face.

She's looking at you with such intensity, you feel the tears well up again, and you can see them welling up in her eyes as well.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that" you say,

"Did you mean what I think you meant"? She asks, her hands sliding down from your wrists and grasping your hands with her own.

"Yeah" you whisper, and you move away, this is all too much.

"I've been in love with you since we first met"

Her statement stops you in your tracks, and you spin around, not daring to believe her, because when do things like this ever happen in real life.

"What"? It's the only thing you can think to say. Your throat has gone dry, and the tears have started to fall down your face like a silent river.

"The first day I met you, when I joined the department, you didn't make it a big deal I was new, you just sort of, told me to get on with it. And then, after the shift, you told me I'd done really well, and you invited me out for drinks with everyone. That's when I fell in love with you. Even during Clarice, and then when we broke up, and you were there for me, and it changed from what I'd convinced myself was a little crush, hero worship, to being in love with you. I felt myself lighten up every time you were near me, and when I woke up today, and when Chief Boden told me you were alright, I felt myself relax. Nothing else mattered to me, forget the blood and my pain, you were ok, which I why I'm ok with the fact I nearly died today. You're okay, because if you hadn't have been, I don't know what I would have done" She trails off towards the end, and her tears fall.

You stand in silence for a few minutes, and you're both crying silently, she's looking at the floor, and you're looking at her. You smile, because today hasn't been real. You nearly lose your best friend, love of your life, and yet now, you're both standing here admitting your love for each other, crying, when it should be one of the happiest moments of your life.

"When I found you after Clarice broke up with you. You were such a mess, you were laying on the floor, an empty bottle of tequila in your hand, and yet when I got you up, you looked at me with such a broken look, I wanted to go and kill Clarice for doing this to you. Because who could do this to someone so amazing, so beautiful and kind, that's when I realised, you were more than a best friend, you're the love of my life Shay" you finish,

"I'm sorry I put you through that" she apologised, staring at you,

"Don't, it sucked, realising you're falling for your best friend, realising if it goes how you want it to, you're going to have to tell your mom you're in love with a woman, but don't ever be sorry for making me love you" you say, with such power and conviction in your voice, you hear her breath hitch.

"The lesbian falling in love with her straight best friend, talk about your cliché" Shay laughs, but its insincere.

She stumbles slightly, and you snap back to attention and realise that she shouldn't be standing up, and you rush forwards and gently catch her by the upper arms and hold her up, and then you realise how close you are to her.

You lean forwards slowly, your eyes flicking from her own eyes, and her lips, and then you hesitate, you've never kissed a woman before, what do you do, is it the same as it is with a man?

Shay makes up the space, and places her lips on yours, and all your doubts and fears go away. Her lips are soft, and as she parts them, deepening the kiss, your knee's go weak and you melt, your lips sliding together as though they were made for each other, and you totally get it now why Shay has women coming back again and again, she's intoxicating, she tastes incredible, and your hands slide onto her hips and you grasp her tightly. You pull apart, as you remember that she's still seriously injured.

"That was, wow, but I need you to sit down again now, before I do jump you," you laugh, all your previous tensions sliding away.

"That's probably a good idea, ouch" she winces sharply as she settles on the sofa as you get her there; you sit next to her again, as though the previous 10 minutes never happened. Except it did, and you smile widely at your best friend, or girlfriend, you don't want to put a label on it.

"I love you Gabriella Dawson" she says with a sincerity in her voice you've never heard before.

"I love you too Leslie Elisabeth Shay"

And you realise, it doesn't matter what you chose to label your relationship. Because as Shay picks up the remote and puts on some show about extreme fishing, you know, that, as long as she's here, and her hand is holding yours as it is right this second, you wouldn't want it any other way.

The End.


End file.
